Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
