Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Come share oat with me in your robe
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
