I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
