Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
