Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
