When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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