I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I need moral support for this bender
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
