it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize