did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
