I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
this will be a night to untag.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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