fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
