I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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