my vag is so smooth its legendary
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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