Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
