She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Randomize
