2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
