Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
