Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
