I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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