He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
