Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
