my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
