I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
