I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I skipped work to stalk him.
he shaved USA in his pubs
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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