Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
