apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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