She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
