Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
