at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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