she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
