my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
