I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
