We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
