Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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