god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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