if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
