i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
