Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
