So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
