You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
