My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
