First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
