I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
