I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize