Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
