Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
