im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
