..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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