Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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