Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
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