i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
