But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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