Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
