Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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