After last night, I could never be a politician.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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