i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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