i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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