I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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