Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
