It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so let's talk penis.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
