Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
