I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
