Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
false alarm. still invincible.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
