I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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