hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
