who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
