Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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