The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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