I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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